January 30, 2012
The Point

Our life is made up of stories, 
And no one story is more interesting
or boring than the next.
Our life is made up of people,
And no one person is more valuable
Or worthless than the next.
Our life is made up of choices,
And no one choice is more right
or wrong than the next.

What, then, is the point, you ask?

The point…of view.

When you tell people
about the time way back when
you split your pants
doing a leprechaun heel-tap
in front of 80-100 people 
walking down a country dirt road
and you can laugh about it 
along with everyone who’s listening, 
that story becomes interesting. 

When you realize that the story
of the kid you tutored for one semester
in your senior year of college
who woke up one morning 
and decided to become a doctor
and was dedicated to that dream even though 
his own teachers didn’t believe in him
has impacted your own lack of dedication,
that person becomes valuable.

When you decide after much struggle
To do something you have never done before
Not because you never wanted to
But because you never thought it was right to do, 
And then you see that it was never a right or wrong thing,
But a “even though this is gonna hurt us a little, it’ll help us” thing
so you do it and it does hurt, but then it does help,
that choice becomes the right one.

In hindsight, everything is more interesting, everyone is more valuable, and every choice is more right. But there’s the rub. 

We can’t wait for hindsight to come before we live our lives.
So we live them. 
And when we look back on them, that’s when it happens.
That’s when the point matters.
How we view things in our past will change how we do things in our future.

January 30, 2012
Truth.

got a lot on my mind today,
as i write this letter to you.
all the words that i wanted to say 
but never had the strength to do.

now that you’re gone,
i can finally breathe again.

February 12, 2011
Paralyzed

The world outside bustles
As everyone rustles
Through their busy lives.
She sits still and calm
Waiting for some balm
To come soothe her soul.

Soothe the sting and burn
Of having to relearn
How to live and go on.
Soothe the fear and pain
Of having to refrain
From saying what she wants to say.

If only they knew
If only they saw
The little child
That hides within.

If only they heard
If only they sensed
The trembling babe
That cries at night. 

But a grown woman
Has perfected the art
Of painting masks.
The lines, the colors,
So perfectly drawn
To hide the reality.

So the world bustles
With everyones’ rustles
Of living their lives.
And she…
She waits, paralyzed.  

January 8, 2011
words

cold rain touches my face but i’m not wet             unaffected
earphones play music silencing the world           disconnected
invisible in the middle of a conversation              indifferent
silent as i stand to answer for my actions             uncaring 
guilt-ridden for those years                                    regretting
learning i can’t do it by myself                               transforming
finding it’s easier if i just stop trying                     rejoicing 
knowing i can and will never go back                   thankful   

July 20, 2010
Haven No More

For awhile now i’ve been trying to find some sense of solace
or some place of serenity in a haven that only i know of.
I’ve filled countless pages with the ideas and notions
that would shape and build those walls of my haven
to keep all the things that would render me broken
and hurt away from my world and sliver of sunshine.
It’s gone now. That haven i claimed.
pushed aside like an unwanted fly, 
someone else claimed my haven.
My haven of words, of language, of prose and poetry. 
The only escape i knew i not only loved but was good at.
The only thing i ever felt a sense of pride in doing.
The only place i ever felt i belonged. My haven.
it’s gone.
she took it. just like she’s taken so many other things from me.
my strength, my joy, my self-worth, my childhood, my soul.
without my haven, i’m an armadillo continuously rolled up
so as not to feel the sticks and stones raining down on me.
the armor thickens and the bones stiffen in place.
It’s not so easy for me to be gentle now.
It’s not so easy for me to unroll my armor.
All i know now is this life without the walls of my haven.
no sense of joy in words, in language, in prose or poetry.
outside the sunshine, outside the haven, there is only numbness… 

June 11, 2010
My Laugh-Inducing Friend

I don’t know how you are able to do it. 
Or even if you know when you do it.
A lot of the time, I’m sure you don’t see
Just how much your words are killing me.
I can’t believe how you make my collarbone ache; 
And I fear that this day it’ll finally break.  
But I won’t tell you to stop or go away 
Because you lighten and brighten my every day.
I welcome the flinching and wincing in pain,
I’ll even ask you to do it again and again.  
I might have a charlie horse right now in my calf,
But, Inez, please, please… please make me laugh! 

Inez! thanks for always making me smile and chuckle and laugh and guffaw!

June 10, 2010
Poem for a Poem

When days pass in slow succession,
And the comings and goings are all repetition,
My mind wanders aimlessly to 
All the days I had in a bygone youth. 

How my sisters and I were mischief incarnate, 
How the vilest words we uttered were “darn it!”
How the world seemed bigger when we were small
And how I believed I had a chance at it all. 

Friends who came, went and never left. 
Beloved pets whose death made us bereft. 
Homes we helped to build with our own hands.
Times when we dwelt in far away lands.

But there is always a catch in the back of my throat; 
A wish that my thoughts could fully quote 
A man whose poem is so finely crafted, 
I’m convinced it was never once redrafted. 

For it catches by its words in near perfection
The very soundtrack to all this: my reflection.
This particular poem is quiet and mellow;
It was written by a Mr Henry Longfellow.

I write it now for you below
That you may enjoy its beauty also.  

“The day is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains,and the wind is never weary;
The vine still clings to the mouldering wall,
But at every gust the dead leaves fall,
And the day is dark and dreary.

My life is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains,and the wind is never weary;
My thoughts still cling to the mouldering past,
But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast,
And the days are dark and dreary.

Be still, sad heart, and cease repining;
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall,
Some days must be dark and dreary.”

May 28, 2010

wow. i like that the hobbit’s coming back into my life. 

May 27, 2010
"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: What! You too? I thought i was the only one."

C.S. Lewis

May 5, 2010
wallets out of pockets…

a purple wallet falls out,
the clear plastic window
protects the old photo of five
not an eye at the camera;
instead ten off to one side,
two stand in the back
three sit in the front. 
all smiles for this family portrait.

have they changed? 
if they went to a photograph place 
to do what they did then, 
would there still be smiles?
grey hair would prevail.  
wrinkles would be seen.  
but would this family of five 
still have that smile?

she pulls it out often.
looks at it quite a bit. 
her finger brushes the familiar faces 
with a twinge of regret and loneliness.

For her, there is no smile today.

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